It’s a cold and semi-cloudy down out here in Ohio (just getting dark now). We haven’t got the lights up yet. Loretta is under a lot of pressure in that she has to hand in a power-point this week which she will present in a very academic form a proposal describing her chosen topic. The presentation has to run by itself, with her own recorded voice narrating it, and it has to be just ten slides. Yikes! Worse yet, her professor does not know his way around the program. He is teaching a class designed by someone else and thus is stuck with a requirement with which he has little personal experience.
Well Loretta thought that today was also going to be Laura’s first day in Upward Basketball. Laura spent the morning running around the house in her new basketball uniform. At 11:40 we pile in the van—all of us since this is supposed to be her first game of the season. Much grumbling and a bit of yelling by me to move my son.
“Will you get down these stairs now!!??”
“All right all right, but what am I going to do?”
“Take a book.” Great groans of anguish and the thudding of feet downstairs. Then Laura sounds off, adding her own perspective to her brother. She gets kicked for trying to get Andy into trouble.
“I’m not going Daddy: I’m too upset at you now.”
Now I am in trouble. Loretta glares:
“Whose the adult here??!!” Meanwhile she is having a terrible time since she can not find her checkbook—the one she wanted for a particular bank since we are going to do some grocery shopping after the game and that has enough cash. It’s now way too late to stop on the way anyway so she gives up and grabs the other checkbook which has but a bit of cash in it. “Out, Out Out! All of you Out!”
Once we are rolling a great silence falls since Dad is in the doghouse for not handling things better—a point he does not dispute and realizes that no one is going to apologize to him even if he is mad since he does not deserve it—in fact he is going to have to be the one to apologize to one squeaky-dink. He’ll do it soon, but now quite yet.
The game is being held at our church and so we three are dropped off while in a cloud of dust Loretta roars off to cash what little she can at “the other bank.” We enter.
Nothing is going on.
There is no one about at all. No crowds, no teams, no sounds of basketballs bouncing in our gymnasium. Some lady goes by carrying a tray of cupcakes for her Sunday school tomorrow. She does not know a thing. Andy tries to call Loretta but her cell phone is OFF.
Andy and I sit down in the vestibule but Laura, who is freezing in her basketball shorts, insists on standing out waiting for her mother so she can give a good “what for” when she returns from the bank. I grade a paper I happen to have brought a long.
When Loretta pulls in we all pile back in. What to do? What to do? Loretta is certain that she read the time and place correctly. I suggest it may be back where Laura played last a Baptist church on the other side of town. We roar off with Laura lamenting that she is going to be LATE.
But Loretta has to stop at the house on the way. She grabs the announcement. Place? Correct! Time? Correct! Date—one month from now. Laura’s first game is Jan. 5th. And so we drive off with Loretta’s face matching the red of our van.
“Just great,” says Andy “I had to get dressed and got yelled at by Mom and Dad for nothing—you guys own me restitution.”
“I got kicked!” adds Laura. I wince.
“Okay Gang, How about we go to Taco-bell for lunch before we go shopping?” Food has always been my way to heal things. Both children cheer and we are forgiven. But Loretta looks at me.
“I had an egg sandwich just before we left.” But she agrees that this will keep us going on target. Everyone is happy as we ride down the road. Then Andy calls from the back.
“Hey Dad, I’ve got a question!”
“Shoot away.”
“If someone ate an apple that has been out for several days, could he get sick?”
“Andy, every apple that exists is days out—they ripen for days on the tree and then fall.”
“Well I mean an apple that is covered by caramel and nuts.”
Caramel? I think. Caramel? What could he be talking about? Then it hits me.
“Wait, are we talking about one of the Caramel apples your mother made?”
“Yes”
“For Halloween!”
“Uh, yes. I found one in my Halloween Candy stash this morning in my room.”
“Andy! Today is Dec. fifth. Thirty days hath September April June and NOVEMBER. You’ve had that thing in your bedroom for thirty days!”
“Thirty Five” Loretta gasps. “How did it taste Andy?”
“It was actually quite good, the Caramel and nuts were a bit crunchy but they covered not so great taste of the actual apple. So do you think I could get sick?”
I sit there imagining my conversation with the authorities. “Why no officer I had no idea that he had a stash of stale candy in his room.”
“Are you feeling sick now?”
“No, I just may need to go to the bathroom.”
“Well thanks for telling us. At least we know what is going on if you turn blue while eating your taco.”
And off we went. Andy had a Nacho Bell Grande, and two spicy burritos. I don’t think the apple has a chance. . .Oh and I apologized to Laura on the way and was forgiven.